Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
