Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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