I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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