oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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