this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
