Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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