I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
