I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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