Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize