found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
