Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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