Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
