you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
