I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
