Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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