Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
