It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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