I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
