btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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