and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
