I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
