they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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