have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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