: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize