I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
