32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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