Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
