I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
