My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
