i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
