the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
