Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is wine microwaveable?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
