he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Less talking, more tequila
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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