its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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