Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
