I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
