Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
A+ Viking dick
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