What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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