even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize