we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
