Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
