Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
