Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize