were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
