I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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