So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
