When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
