I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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