I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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