I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
