Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
