It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
