jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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