It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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