Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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