I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
