Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
