I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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