birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
