It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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