I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize