I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
