u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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