Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
