You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
