I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
