Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
