Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
