I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
