I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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