this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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