just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
