The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
