Don't make out with my wife yet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
