you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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