he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Barsexuality is the new black.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize