my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize