Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
