It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
