Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As shirtless as possible
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize