how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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