Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
