So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
