I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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