Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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