I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
