my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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