our cab driver is having phone sex.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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