I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
