i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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