I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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