do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
