Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
