Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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