I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize