So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
