I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
