She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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