Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
