I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
50% drunk capacity currently
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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