I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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