I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
