Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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