I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
