by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
