Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
