I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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