Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
