How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
