I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize